I am always clearing my throat. Damn near constantly. Ever since i was a teenager, i’ve had a chronic itch/tickle in the back of my throat. If i don’t clear my throat, my voice breaks and sometimes just doesn’t work. Clear throat, voice comes back. Very simple. I suspect it’s an allergy thing or a post nasal drip thing, or just another Lindsay’s body is just wonky thing.
I haven’t given it much thought, not in a long time. But a while back, someone said to me, “you should get some lozenges, so your throat doesn’t get raw.” That confused me: why would i need lozenges? Oh yeah, the clearing my throat thing that i do all the time. I explained that it wasn’t a cold or a nervous habit, just that if i didn’t do it, i’d lose my voice.
Since then, i’ve been relatively self-conscious about it. More aware of it. More trying to not do it. More apologizing to the people around me for it – even to my husband, who i’m sure is well used to it after 8 years together.
I can definitely understand how my throat-clearing might be seen as annoying to those around me. But feeling guilty about it won’t make it go away, won’t change anything. It’s something about me that i’ve not yet figured out how to change, if that change is even necessary. While it may be annoying to some, it’s not actively causing harm to anyone. Sound familiar?
This is and is not an analogy; i really do have to clear my throat more than a dozen times a day (it’s generally worst in the morning). We all have our oddities, our idiosyncrasies. And we sometimes get distorted notions about how much these things impact the people around us. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. The ones that do, we might need to look at more closely. The ones that don’t, we need to recognize that they don’t, and move on.